Anti-resolutions
I've been mulling over my resolutions this year. I think you are supposed to have them ready for Jan. 1, but that calendar isn't the boss of me.
There are all of the typical resolutions that I could go with:
- Lose the baby weight (about 15 pounds to go).
- Clean the house a little each day, and a good thorough cleaning once a week.
- Read thought-provoking books, not just parenting books.
- Do something creative once a week.
- Keep the blog updated regularly with pictures of the kids in equal proportions.
- Organize the crazy closet, and keep it organized.
But this year I'm going to do something different. I'm going to make resolutions of things I'm not going to do or accomplish.
This year, I am going to:
- Not worry about my weight.
- Not run or workout on a strict schedule or get anxious about being slow.
- Not look at the CrossFit workouts longingly and not worry about my inability to do a pullup.
- Not clean my house everyday. I might not even do the dishes every night.
- Not go out each day. I am going to stay home a lot more and be okay with my self-imposed house arrest.
All of these Anti-resolutions are really steps in helping me achieve my real goal: breastfeeding the twins for a year.
They are 15 weeks old and until now we've been able to breastfeed exclusively. I've actually been living by these anti-resolutions already (as Kevin can attest to, I'm sure). But I wanted to make an effort to not resolve to lose weight. I will eat a healthy diet of lean protein, veggies, fruit and carbs, but I'm not going to worry about portions or how often I eat. I don't want to lose the ability to nurse the babies just because I want to fit in my small jeans.
So here are my resolutions, then:
- Make feeding the babies my priority. I have to make it more important than almost anything else, or I just keep putting the babies off until I'm finished doing whatever it is that seemed so important at the time.
- Be okay with my muffin top.
- Run and exercise when I can.
- Read when I can.
- Go to sleep by 10 p.m. or earlier and be okay with waking up in the middle of the night to nurse. (With Caleb and Joshua, I was very focused on them sleeping through the night as early as possible, but they both fell off of their weight growth curves, going from the 50th to 5th percentile by 10 months. Joshua then fell off the scale completely. He would go in spurts of waking at night and I wouldn't let myself feed him very often. I think he was hungry, but I was so concerned with not "training him to need to nurse back to sleep" that I wouldn't feed him. Ridiculous now, it seems.) So I'm going to go to bed way earlier than I'm used to and I'm going to feed them when they ask for it in the middle of the night.
- Take pictures every day, even if it's just with my phone. Although, I'd like to get my camera out and start using it, I have to abide by my first resolution to make feeding the twins my priority.
I somehow have to make my relationship with God my first priority, my relationship with Kevin my second priority, and then feeding the babies the priority after that. But how do I do that when feeding the babies can take 10 hours a day? I'm still working that out, but I know what breastfeeding the babies has to come before- my pride and self-image. And I know how to make that happen. At least I have some bigger jeans to wear until next September.
I also have to learn how to be okay with supplementing the twins if I need to. Evelyn was in the 25th percentile for weight when she was born, but then she wavered between the 5th and 10th percentile. Right now she's between the 3rd and 5th. If she doesn't gain weight this week then I'm going to have to work with the lactation consultant about a way to supplement her with some additional breastmilk or formula, while I continue breastfeeding. My goal is to breastfeed them for a year, but that doesn't mean that I can't give them formula some if I need to. I am having a really hard time accepting that though, and working out how and when to supplement, should I need to. Anyone have any advice on that front?
Kristen! just by making the decision to fully commit to those babies is the first step, it is so hard not to fall into that "selfish " temptation, to wanna do everything to better oneself. But He blessed you with those babies and now he is blessing you with time, that time is coming from that sacrifice you are making to fully devote yourself. Dont know if that helps.
Romans12:2 (this is a constant reminder for me)
you are renewing your mind!
Good for you Kristen! I will pray for you throughout this year, because I know how hard that all can be.
you are a good mama, kristen. your goals are so noble and show that your heart really is FOR your family. praying for God to give you wisdom about if/when/how to supplement. "i wait for the lord, my soul waits and in his word i put my trust". love you.
Remember my Joshua's weight issues at the 6 mo. mark? He was in the 2nd percentile then. I started supplementing around 7 months and now he mostly bottle feeds/baby food, and nurses just maybe twice a day and is still only around the 3rd. I've lent a little too much anxiety to this whole process with him. I took much more of a feed-on-demand approach with him, too, and I think that's the right way to nourish these little peanuts we have. That all said, he's STILL little, and Anna's STILL little and eats all the time. Seems like genetics/metabolism has a lot to do with it. I guess what I'm saying is don't sweat the weight chart issue too much. The bigger picture is an overall healthy baby(ies). But I know it's tiring to get up at night to feed a baby, and I can't imagine doing 2. But I know you can. Way to go in making it this far!! As far as how to supplement, maybe nurse them at bedtime and top them off with a little formula. It might even score you more sleep. I also found it helpful to supplement and/or substitute a bottle during a more busy/stressful time of day. I'm sure the LLC will have good advice. I'm proud of you, dear friend. (sorry for the book-long comment)
I think it's amazing the way God uses motherhood to change us -- to move us from selfishness to selflessness by filling our hearts with love for these little (tiny, even!) people. I have a feeling it's a lesson I'll be working on for a long time to come!
I will pray for your peace of mind about nursing the twins at night. I've always leaned more toward nursing than not... consequently, I've got a 25 pound 8 month old who's just now working out sleeping at longer stretches. So, all that's to say that there are so many ways we mamas can second-guess ourselves. Follow your instincts and remember to give yourself some grace!
Wishing we were nearer...
I remember when you were at my house wondering if you were pregnant and asking me if I thought you were crazy for trying. I said, no you weren't crazy. Then you told me you were pregnant with twins, and I still didn't think you were crazy. In fact, I remember saying to someone, "If anyone can do this well, it's Kristen." And I still don't think you're crazy. You're young and you're wiser than so many women I know. God IS transforming your heart...bettering your self image, putting priorities first, and although you are probably to tired to realize it most days, so many people look to you as a positive role model...me included! So, cast your fears on Christ and find your rest in him. Check that your convictions are from Him and then follow that God-given intuition we are blessed with. When you need encouragement to stick with breast feeding some of Dr Sears Attachment parenting books will encourage you and the Created to Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl will re-affirm your goals. I love you Kristen, and I commend you for being Super-Mom and for looking fabulous. You're a good woman!
Kristen, I love what you had to say for your resolutions. I know I didn't have twins...but I had one not long ago...and was stressed about a lot of things that I know I shouldn't have been stressed about. I was SO stuck on not ever supplementing with formula and at 7 months I had a wierd migraine and ulcer and ended up in the hospital and on strong meds and Maddie had to have formula for a week (b/c of the meds I was on). (I had to pump for a week to keep my supply up) All I had worked for in keeping her off formula was lost in my mind but that was SO silly. Formula isn't the devil. I'm still breastfeeding (she's 11 months) and will use formula once in awhile if needed. And now John and I can go on dates so much more often because I am not freaking out over having pumped milk for the babysitter and am OKAY with leaving formula. It's all about perspective!! I really think it's awesome what your doing!!
I know I am your Mom but I just want you to know how very proud I am of you and Kevin. You are awesome parents and you love each of your 4 children well. I agree with so many of your friends that your intuition can be trusted. Who knows those sweet little babies better than you do? God will give you the grace to walk through each step of each day as you trust Him for that step. Your resolutions and anti-resolutions are awesome and so are you! I love you and am praying for you, Kevin and each of your children. Love, Mom
We had to supplelemt Sam almost the whole time, but I still nursed him for a year. Foard just now started needing some supplementation (is that a word???). My strategy has been to offer a 2oz bottle after every afternoon/evening feeding-- those seem to be my lowest supply times. Sometimes he takes it, sometimes he doesn't.
Keep us updated!!!
Sounds like some good goals, and a good conversation with yourself to stay on track. I'm praying for growth and health for all of you!