Third
I've heard that the third deployment is the hardest. A girl can hold so much in for a so long, and then, the sheer force of emotion being withheld forces its way out. Maybe it's that. Maybe it's because I know what I'm in for. Maybe it's because of all that Kevin will miss with the boys. Maybe it's because I know that he will be in life-threatening situations (I fooled myself into thinking that he was relatively safe the last two times). Maybe it's because he's only been home for a total of 11 weeks since he got home from the last deployment. Maybe it's because he makes me so happy, and when he plays with, trains, or teaches the boys I can't help but smile. Or because I love him so much and have never been more secure in his love for me. I guess it's all of that. But this one is going to be hard.
And it's almost here.
I was listening to my favorite old-school worship cd- Enter the Worship Circle- that Kevin dug up. It is so hard to sing some of those songs-
"I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you
A grateful heart I give,
A thankful prayer I pray..."
The hardest thing in the world to do right now- have a grateful heart. But I am trying, because it's the one thing I can give to God. So I give God the little piece of my heart that is grateful, asking Him to guard me from bitterness or hardness of heart. Especially towards Him.
It's not good to blog while crying. My judgement is failing. Is this too much information? Oh well. Transparency is good, right?
Transparency is very good... otherwise we don't know that you need us. I will be praying for all of you. When does he leave?
I will be praying for you guys as well. Deployments are just stinky all the way around. We love you guys.
I hope you find comfort in the fact that you are not alone. It's okay to have bad days where we break down and cry. We wouldn't be human without them. So don't be embarrassed or ashamed. If you ever need anything you know you have a huge support system with all of us. :) I'm still waiting on my breakdown...it's been a few days, but with Em sick I just don't have the time or energy. LOL! :)
Oh Kristen... I love you my friend.
Kristen!
The Lord will give you that strenght and give you courage and will carry you threwout this time and will do the same for Kevin, just pray for it amd I will for you amnd will will find that peace, its hard and sometimes we think its not fair it hurt to have these thoights of something happening to our loved oned its just not fair we visualize it and worry and can't go about simple everyday tasks...but then there are times where we are on top of the world and are so proud of our husbands and feel like we are power moms. The Lord will give you that power, so don't worry .it feels good to hear you poor out like that because everyone feels this way sometimes I have times even when I'm having a bad day with jesse and ill watch him with the kids and do the same you do , you get sad and happy and proud. You have many people that care for you amd we are all here to help, I love pouring it all out to someone makes me feel so much better. Praying for you and Kevin
Thank you for sharing your heart. I love you Kristen and will be praying for you and Kevin especially this week. I am thankful for the relationship you have continued to build in the midst of all the training schedules these last few months. I don't begin to understand what you are going through but I am always willing to listen. Please give Kevin a hug for me and remind him how very proud I am of him and yes, it is hard to blog while crying. Love, Mom
You guys are always in my prayers especially when Kevin is playing in the big sand lot. By the way those boys are too cute, I wish I could have seen them over the holidays.
Oh, Krissy. My heart aches for you, my friend. Just thinking about an impending deployment gives me that sick feeling in my stomach... I will be praying for you and for Kevin and for the boys. I love you.
I love you Kristen. I am praying for you and with you. I can't know how you feel; I can certainly only imagine. Thank you for sharing your heart and for being transparent - it's the only way we can share one another's burdens.
you are loved
Praying for you. It's one day at a time....ok, sometimes one moment at a time. Love and peace to you!
Hey Kristen, We'll be keeping you and your family in our prayers! I'm sorry that you have to go through another deployment..how long will Kevin be gone?
i want to give you such a big hug, Kristen. i remember hearing your heart the last time he was gone. it was so honest. i've always appreciated that from you. thanks.
I feel your pain and sadness and am telling you with my whole heart that it is OK to be sad, scared, and angry. But, your faith in God and love for Kevin will get you through this! You are going to do beautifully just as you always do.
Your foundation in Christ is secure and that alone will get you through. And not only get you through, but will bless you. That's grace for you, and from what I hear, the God we worship loves to dish it out. :)
Precious thoughts Kristen. Praying ...
Claire
Kristen, my heart joins you in prayer and I ache for you. Thank you for your sacrifice.
Much love,