Words to help me through

My friend Lindsey asked if I had any good "deployment songs" and I thought about these. I found this old draft of a blog post I'd written during the last deployment (below). The songs still help...

I am not a music snob. I don't know anything about the cool, up and coming acts. But I know that I (still) love anything that Don and Lori Chaffer make. And there are some songs from their album "Heart Attack Time Machine" that help me through.

Close The Door
Every time that I get down
I am like a salmon on
An upstream journey, then
Death to follow once I spawn

I have seen the big fish climb
The ladder at the reservoir
Watch ‘em work like devils
Half delirious do they even know where they are?

CHORUS
Jesus I’m a sucker; I
Wish I believed less of the lies
Did anything I thought I knew
Turn out to be true?

Baby boys and little toys are all that I see anymore
Will somebody close the door?
It’s cold outside

Every single time I thought that
I had figured it all out
I was run aground again and
Floundering with crazy doubt

Maybe every way I’d learned
To deal with the tragedy
Was just another junkyard find
Rust-eaten and raggedy

I have paced the floor at night
Staring in his tiny face
Swearing that I’ll do my best
To make for him a solid place
Barring acts of God or even
Acts of other men, I’ll be
The father that I always wished
I had been allowed to see


The last song on the album is called "Good, Good End." It is a good reminder of what my goal is.

It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end
And if I keep on walking on past the crooked bend
I will meet my Maker
I will meet my Friend
It’s a long hard road
With a good, good end

You have gone so far away
For all I know it’s outer space
...
Pining for yesterday
Feeling like an empty plate
...
He went away today
And I don’t know when he’ll be back.